5 Signals That Say The Friendship is Over

What Signals The End Of A Friendship?

By P.H. James

Friendships don't end. They evolve maybe, but they rarely ever end. Friends who haven't been in touch in decades will still speak well of the other.

However, sometimes feelings get bruised in the evolving, and ending the friendship justified, at least in the offended party's mind.

On the other hand, there is often the natural progression of life that guides a series of events that land two people on opposite sides of it.

In this case, there are no hurt feelings, grudges or regrets, just the wide-eyed desire to explore the newness of life with a different set of people.

Occasionally, circumstances get to be such that two people no longer have anything in common. There may be a substantial age difference or one is married and the other isn't. Whatever the condition, it becomes clear that the two can no longer co-exist as friends.


Here are 5 signals that say the friendship has run its course:

1. Strained relationship after drastic changes occur. This change can appear in the form of restricting illness for one of the individuals and they project their feelings of uselessness and dejection onto the other party. Or there's an age gap and the older one is taxed with numerous medications and disabilities and expect the younger counterpart to acquiesce. Pressure from the situation can gradually separate the two if it persists. 
2. One of the parties become needy and demanding. This is a problem in all relationships where one person demands all of their friend or spouse's free time--either by phone or in person. As unnatural as it sounds, emotional monopoly happens in friendships too. Any number of psychological and emotional issues can provoke this kind of clinginess. Nevertheless, being clingy and demanding does nothing to enhance a relationship.  
3. Their difference of opinion drives one of them to try and force the other into agreement. Religion is a toxic area of discussion in any setting, especially between friends who are of different persuasions. The disagreement is compounded when one party considers himself a biblical scholar and becomes agitated when this doesn't carry any leverage with the friend. You're made to feel like things you care about are unimportant.
4. One friend becomes difficult when the other gets a career offer. While in the beginning your friend may seem happy for you, time reveals a different reality. Gradually they begin to act out and show signs of jealousy or feeling abandoned. They feel you are being disloyal in taking a career leap that they feel both of you should have gotten though they have no expertise in that area. However, since only one of you have the opportunity to advance, the friend feels betrayed when you accept. Moreover, it's doubly irritating as they can't see the blatant selfishness in their behavior. 
5. The relationship lost its soul. One of the great things about relationships is the mutual benefit each party enjoys. There is something rewarding in the friendship for both of you. For instance, you may enjoy the philosophical conversations, from which you learn fascinating points of view. Or one of you may be educated and resourceful while the other is talented and wise. Whatever the mix, both of you are edified. Whether from being needy and demanding or unbearable to be around, the friendship has lost its savor and it's time to move on.

There's usually no need for animosity, but there almost always is a bit of discoloration of character.

In cases where I outgrew the friendship, it wasn't a matter of anger as much as it was attributed to growth. If a friend decides they've grown enough it says to me that nothing else about life intrigues them. Well, that's not true for me.

Two people have to be on the same path, otherwise how can they even be connected? It's like driving on a highway. If I'm on Highway 45 traveling north and you're on the Interstate traveling east, our chances of crossing each other's path are practically impossible. The same is true for friendships.

It's the natural progression of life for friendships to evolve--especially when one is no longer physically able to keep the pace. Nobody's at fault. Conditions change. Situations set in. We move accordingly.

Frankly, when one in the friendship is no longer able to participate and do exciting things, it's unfair of the incapacitated one to ask the other to sacrifice moving forward as a condition of loyalty.

When a friendship reaches its plateau, it means the friendship has evolved. Don't feel guilty about moving on. It's okay to love people from a distance.

Article was written by Peggy Hatchet James 10/03/2015
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